My Experiences, Uncategorized

How to be Bitten by Pitbulls

pitbull 2

Apparently part of living in the ghetto is being bitten by pitbulls. Sometimes you are walking past the hoagie shop with the bulletproof bank-teller window, and two pitbulls come after you before you can get to the check cashing place.

If you are walking on the sidewalk past the Stop-N-Go and you see two adult pitbulls running full-speed directly at you, do not try to run. Dogs are faster than you are. By the time you’ve turned around and begun to pick up speed, their momentum will allow them to clear the distance to your back.

You do not want pitbulls on your back. Do not turn away from them.

Some people say not to make eye contact.

You may find it hard not to look directly at dogs as they leap through the air toward you.

If at all possible, do not allow yourself a negative emotional reaction. You cannot be certain of their animal intent, but their behavior can be affected one way or the other by your emotional state. By expecting something bad you may create it. Try this:

Speak to yourself in a jubilant tone. “Hey look, dogs!”

Attempt to vocalize, first to yourself, just how excited these playful dogs must be. They are running so fast!

And now, they are jumping so high!

If your hands are in your pockets, this would be a good time to take them out.

Do not, however, extend your hands or fingers in a “warding off” gesture. The bones of your elbows are much stronger than the small bones of your hands.

Many dogs who are trained to attack people, are trained to bite the steel-wrapped forearm of the trainer.

If your forearm is not wrapped in steel, allow the dog access to your elbow by holding your least-favorite arm out, but hold your hand up and out of the way.

Assume that the dogs would like to play. Vocalize this.

What playful dogs bit the elbows of my coat as they leapt so high in the air!

After a few nips from one and the other hanging jawlocked from the fabric of the coat for a moment, they both took off running again.

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