When I am in public, I am often amazed by people. There is so much variety in our process of interacting with the world. Consciousness shines in a rainbow with so many shades. When that lightbulb goes off in our heads, it blazes outward in prismatic colors and shapes that often look strange to me.
Some of us have no “inner dialogue.” For a chosen few, whatever they think they say.
She’s sitting at a lunchtable by herself, looking up at a TV that’s blaring news. “Oh a fatal shooting. Look at that. Good.”
Whatever she may have meant by that statement, the fact that she said it out loud fucking amazes me.
It’s a phenomenon that I can witness over and over without quite being able to believe it. Not only do some people not think twice before speaking, I’m pretty sure they don’t even notice that a thought became words.
What I can’t believe, is that it doesn’t bother some of us to spurt and drip words. We all have half-formed ideas, and it’s one thing to drool half-formed ideas. But to never, ever, wipe your chin?
How can a human being be built so differently than I am?
It’s like seeing a body turned inside out, blue veins glistening and pulsing, white eyes staring out from behind the meat. Yet it all functions just fine.
In fact, sometimes other people react warmly to those turned inside-out.
It does make for an easy way to relate:
“Hey, you got blue veins too!”
I think that what has freaked me out about this for most of my life, is that when all of somebody’s thought-juices are flowing on the outside, I can see the places in their minds that aren’t getting circulation.
There is no self-reflection.
Her “id” and “ego” are obviously well-formed. I can hear her sorting out what she wants to do with her afternoon: “I’m gonna kill that bastard.” But no superego? No checking in with the self? No thinking about what you’re thinking, or saying?
Of course, a lot of my day is spent thinking twice, or sixteen times. Maybe I’m just jealous.