Movie Rants

The Creepshows

Stay up later than you’ve ever stayed up before, then leave the house.

Make sure it is pitch black out and raining, and ride from your scary part of town for an even scarier part of town. Scamper through the blue midnight rain towards the mostly-broken lights of a worn-out empty theater. Spend the entire trip to the theater wondering just how the hell you convinced your dad to take you.

Open yourself to this film. You won’t be “frightened,” exactly… but thoroughly creeped-out.

Creepshow (1982)

If you’ve ever read any EC stuff like Vault of Horror or Tales From the Crypt, you know that Creepshow pulls off the funscary feat it attempts. And more.

What makes this the Horror Anthology by which all others are compared, is the love. The movie is soaked with a genuine affection for the genre, and the combination of George Romero, King and makeup artist Tom Savini is pure 80s magic.

While I don’t know exactly how I originally found out about the movie, I still remember why I begged my parents to take me: Stephen King. At that time in life, I had yet to read 40+ of his novels, but for some reason I still knew I liked the guy. The idea that an author was in the movie fascinated me. If possible, I’d recommend seeing the movie as I did.

I still remember my dad giving a rare audible laugh when poor Jordy Verrill pulls back his fingers and yells “Meteor shit!”

Creepshow 2 (1987)

After the purely magical experience of seeing the first one in the theater, I was stoked for this sequel and I may very well have ridden my bike to the theater. When the movie started, and the Creep himself looked like somebody’s unemployed uncle instead of a gregarious rotting spectre – I was concerned.

The animated parts of the “wraparound story” were nice enough, but the overall production seemed cheap and slightly unfinished. The music was lackluster compared to John Harrison’s massively-underappreciated score for the original. The first story was entirely mundane.

But then the second story started.

Watch Creepshow 2 for “The Raft,” which is one of the most perfectly-tuned adaptations of a Stephen King story ever.

It somehow “feels” just like King’s original, putting you on the raft with the main characters while presenting the terrorizingly-unknowable in a mundane setting. Simply fast-forward to the second story and watch straight-through from there. The 3rd and final story is lovably nasty and gory, and the wrap-up for the wraparound is a bit of fun, too.

People released a movie they called “Creepshow 3” in 2006. It’s mentioned here only as a simple warning to stay away. While there are certainly more worthless horror-anthologies out there, calling this one Creepshow set expectations beyond the bottom-of-the-barrel and earned it rare 0% critics-rating on RottenTomatoes.

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