Jeff Beezleboss Goes to Space!
(QSF – Some Quick Short Fiction I wrote to blow off steam)
Press Release: Super-Billionaire Jeff Beezleboss (pictured) announced yesterday that he will be flying into space on his shiny new rocketship The Blue Shepard. In an interview he shared his plan:
Q: Jeff, you are clearly the best person on the planet, having made over $75,000,000,000.00 (Bloomberg figures) in the year 2020 alone while the median US income was only $61,937.00 (Motley Fool figures.) What amazing things do you plan to do in space?
A: “I will build my Moon Mansion and fire missiles at both poles of the Earth.”
A: “The core of the planet may be filled with gold and I want it.”
Q: Great! I’m certain that once you own all of that gold you will use it to help the remaining population.
A: “Certainly. The remaining population who survive the mining process will be employed as Mechanical Turks.”
Q: But Jeff, what if it turns out that no gold is inside the planet? How can you justify the $2,600,000.00 (Space dotcom figures) auctioned value of the spaceflight you intend to take yourself?
A: (chuckles) “That “two million dollars” to me is like spending two bucks for you, relative to my 2020 income. Even if I only had the money I made last year alone… while all the stores that weren’t mine were locked and boarded up… 2.6million is like spending $2.15 for me to go to space on July 20th.”
Q: Wow, you are clearly worth more than anyone on the planet. Is there anything else you’d like to do for the rest of us human beings who are worth less than you are?
A: “Well, I guess while I’m up there I could spray aerosols over the sun and make a permanent eclipse to solve climate change for you guys. You’re welcome.